GA Bar results were released today:
http://www.gabaradmissions.org/

Spell check insists it is "plead". I disagree.

I got an email response to last night's blog about the phone call. It seems it was just a random wrong number after all. I guess I could have just called the number back and found that out, but I was pretty convinced I knew who it was. That and I was in the middle of moving. Happy ending. The end.

Next court story: 2 women were facing the court for public drunkenness and for fighting. They both appeared in jeans (from the early 90s--acid wash, meow!) and a nasty t-shirt. They both also wore their thin blonde hair in a long dirty ponytail. I want you to really imagine the hair--long, stringy, and greasy. Why was their hair so long, why? Did they think it was sexy, or are they religious nuts? Can't be the religion thing, they weren't wearing long denim skirts and keds--and they were drunk. I found out later that these 2 are a couple. One of them pled guilty to being drunk and the other gal said she wasn't drunk and pled not-guilty. My new republican boyfriend (the judge) found her guilty, and they have been raising hell at city hall ever since. I went to the swearing in of the new assistant police chief last night, and the dynamic dirty dyke duo were there to raise some hell about the one chick being found guilty. Ladies, you appeal to the court not to the police chief, the city clerk, and the court employees. They still haven't filed an appeal. The judge was there last night. We shook hands. It was hot. I know all the gossip on him--he broke up with his long-term girlfriend (some Asian chick with a kid) last week (the same day we met) and he has serious commitment issues. He ran for state senate as a republican a few years ago--he lost, obviously. He also used to date a pregnant, married attorney that I met, but she dumped him after he couldn't commit. Let me be clear--she is pregnant now, by her husband. She was not preggers while with the judge--well, maybe she was, but if she was, it was not for long. She appears in his court and has to call him your honor. I love that. I will only date attorneys in the hopes that one day I will be a judge and former romantic partners will be forced to call me "your honor". Awesome.

Remember: do not give hints of my new residence. Hell-hole counts as a hint, Rachel.
I have been looking for jobs in our new awesome destination. I have to start thinking about applying for the bar in awesome state, too.

So the other day I got a strange voicemail of a woman screaming something unintelligible. I thought at first it was my sister Renee because she often leaves me weird messages where she is half yelling half singing. I didn't recognize the number, and it was not someone programmed in my phone, so I deleted the message right after listening to it. I assumed it was a wrong number, but I thought I would look up the number because it was a weird area code. It came out of Champaign, Ill. I'm pretty positive it was an ex-boyfriend which totally pisses me off for a variety of reasons which I will list for you all.
1. Timing of the phone call was lousy. It came during the week I was moving out of town, and I was at dinner with a special friend, so it interrupted my fun times. I am stressed out right now and I don't have the time or patience for tom-foolery. Even if someone I actually liked pranked me, I would be irritated.
2. It was a female voice which means this guy is dating someone who is so immature that she thinks it would be hilarious to prank someone from her guy's past.
3. Alternatively, he put her up to calling me which means he is the immature one.
4. No explanation or apology followed which means he thinks it's fine to waste my time and precious cell phone minutes--WHICH I HAVE TO PAY FOR---but I am not worthy of an apology for his girlfriend's/his stupidity.

Because of this lame call, I have been hesitant to blog here. Knowing him, he probably gave his girlfriend this blog. I feel like I have no privacy. Gross.
So, no one mention where I am living now so I can feel like a normal person again.

Speaking of where I am living, I went to court last week. I have a tiny crush on the judge and the people in this town are redneck-ridiculous. I was watching Reno 911 the other day, and I thought to myself, who in the hell wears their hair in the style of Junior? And no kidding, there was a dude in court with Junior's hairstyle. He was being brought up on harassment charges for calling his ex-wife. She was a delicious bit of redneck trash herself. She was wearing pants 4 sizes too small which caused a bubble of fat which she covered in a tiny t-shirt 2 sizes too small. She had 2-toned permed hair and a vacant expression. But all she wanted was for her ex to stop calling her. There are more stories to tell about court, but Lily wants to be my baby right now, so I will just have to get back with you.

Part 3

6 step crew: group of a million boys dancing together. Their sob story? One of the judges does not like them. Pass the hanky. Ok, it is actually sickstep. Some are dressed in basketball gear. They dance with props, to James Brown's Get Up Off Your Thing or whatever it's called. Basically, they are street dancers. This is clearly a routine and not freestyle. I love street dancing. I approve. Brit guy likes them--he was the judge who didn't like them, so everyone feels great. Sharon tells them they lit up the stage, and Hoff tries to sound street by telling them they were sick.
My vote: yes.

Jerry Springer just said, "Hip hop's my life." (In a most crunk voice, I might add.) I don't doubt that hip hop is Springer's life, I really don't.

Anyone else looking forward to the new show Kath & Kim? I love Molly Shannon--she belongs on my tv set. I'd love to see the original.

Next up, actor Matthew Piatze. I made up the spelling of his last name. His back story--he found direction in his life doing impressions. Now that is truly sad. I hate impressionists, so I am sure he will suck. His impressions: Arnold (sounds like your best friend's impression) Jack Nicholson (sucked, I knew it was Jack because he put on sunglasses and started shaking his head, otherwise I would have thought he was doing an impression of his Uncle Paul a la Vicar of Dibley) Vince Vaughn (ok) Clooney (weird). Then he sings Balls of Fire--I guess he's singing in his voice and also in impressions. He seems to be having an argument with himself and his characters. I don't understand what he is trying to do. British guy says the crowd went dead when he went to the piano. Sharon says he needs to work on his writing--I agree, it didn't make sense. Hoff gives his drunken approval.
My vote: hell no. He didn't really stand a chance with me, but his impressions sucked.

Next: Joseph Hall, an Elvis impersonator. What the hell? He says he is really a shy person. I should point out he is very groomed--boys who way their eyebrows are not shy. If my mom is watching, I am sure she is throwing a fit. He sounds nothing like Elvis. Karaoke anyone? Song: Jail House Rock with the background scene from the movie--jail cells stacked upon each other like Hollywood Squares. Brit guy is not impressed. Sharon has the hots for this dude, and wants him to bring back his bad boy. Giggle time: Hoff told him he also had trouble learning to dance and sing at the same time. Hoff is such a rock star.
My vote: no. No to all impressionists.

Recap of the show. I missed a gaggle of girls kicking their legs. They are even worse in the recaps. This show is just not good.

Let's get to voting. And don't forget to watch tomorrow.

Part 2 of America's Got Talent

While I'm waiting for the commercial break to end, I just want to say I have a lot to say about Palin.

Back on.

You do know Jerry Springer hosts this, right? And the judges are the Hoff, Ms. Osborne, and some other British dude.

We get the back story on the next group--a family act from New Haven, CT. No surprise they are white. There are a million of them and they are singing and playing strings to a backing track--oops, out of key. Just figured out what they are singing: Umbrella. Interesting, but I wanted to see more string playing. British dude loved them. Sharon loved them--and she pointed out Dad was on bongos, so maybe there wasn't a backing track. Hoff liked them.
My vote: put them through, but please work on singing in tune and creating tighter harmonies.

Commercial: Here's what I have to say about Palin. Bad choice. I told my mom she was a small town girl who obtained a position of power, and then abused that position. That's the risk of power hungry females--or any person who has never had power before, they often over-compensate and end up showing their ass. Everyone now knows she is under investigation, but I say she also abused her power by allowing her husband to sit in on meetings. If he wants to sit in on meetings, he should have run for office. From what I read, the meetings were not meetings that were held open to the public, and he was cc'd on internal memos. That has to be a no-no.

Back on. College student with a sob story. Baton twirling male. Are you crying now? I should remind you that the prize is 1M and a Vegas show. Who wants to sit through an hour long baton show. He's up, fire twirling to Billie Joel: I'm Still Standing. A little bump, now he has the Hoff singing along Cool trick twirling around his neck that lasted 10 seconds too long. The crowd loves him. I think he would be great fun at a sporting event, but I would never go see his show. Brit dude called it amazing--says this guy could win it all. Sharon loved him. Hoff said this show could sustain in Vegas, but then again, Hoff is a drunk and an hour in drunk-land is like 5 minutes in sober-town. Oh, crap. Springer said he was standing in the presence of greatness. Does Springer ever think for himself? Did he really think it was great? Jerry really makes me think.
My vote: no to voting him on to the next round because I would never go see a baton show, but yes to hiring him for the next college bowl.

Next contestant: Sarah Lenore. Sob story--hard working family, devoted father. I can't be the only one in tears. Barf. She's adorable. Dramatic walk down the stage steps with a simple accompaniment. Ok, now she's yelling at me. Whoa, turn down the backing vocals, sound engineer, I can barely hear her. She's one of those dramatic country singers that are all the rage now--you know: blonde, leggy, and loud. She dropped her ear phone and said she was nervous--I like her for that. Oh, snap--Sharon told her she was shouting. Hoff is clearly in love with her. Keep it in your pants, dude.
My vote: sure. She has a great stage presence and is a talented, if untrained, singer. With a little work, she could be a star.

I need an orange sherbet break--good for headaches.

I've decided to live-blog America's Got Talent for you this evening. I turned it on and Hasselhoff made some terrible tea party joke, so I went to my room to read, but my migraine became more intense. So, it's back to the tv.

While I was in the kitchen getting a glass of water, I heard a contestant singing. I have already forgotten his name--his last name was hyphenated. I guess he was a teacher before the competition and he left teaching to be on this show. From the kitchen, he sounded bad. So bad that I said out loud: this guy sucks. The judges aren't impressed and the contestant sasses back. I hate sass back. Note to talent show competitions such as this show and American Idol: sassing back does not make people want to vote for you-you need to be likeable to get America's vote. I would say talented too, but in spite of this show's name, I don't think it is about talent.
I vote no.

Magician with little people. I think he is using the little people to distract from his lack of talent. He does a crappy trick, and what's more, it is just one trick. It's so bad I can't even write about it. There is a lot of booing from the audience. The judges hated him.
I vote hell no.


Next up: a man in drag singing "opera". Shequida. He says he's from Jamaica, but he's talking with a weird accent. I call it the lipstick accent. Oh my lord, he is so bad. He is singing I Will Survive in this horrible high voice--the same voice I am sure all of you used when you were a kid pretending to be a woman singing "opera". A judge x'd him (three x's and you are out). Amazingly bad, but not so bad it's good. Just bad. He is hot as a woman, though. If she were in a beauty pageant--Ms. Drag Queen--which I believe exists, she would have my vote. But this was not singing. Sharon Osborne is a fag hag. Contestant is saying she wanted to show her range--ha! Her range is screeching. The Hoff called her campy.
I vote no to the singing, but yes for the beauty and the amazing legs. Shequida is sexy.

This is going to take forever. They show one contestant and then a commercial, so... I think I will split this up in to separate posts.

click on the pictures to make them bigger

Some pictures from the tropical storm that passed through here. These are of the "lake" in front of my home.

In the first picture, you can see how high the water is. That round thing by the tree is a trash can (on the walking path).





Pictures two and four show the main street I live on which is all under water currently.

Picture three shows the one way street submerged under water. The road is between the two sets of trees, and the trees on the right side are along the walking path.

I didn't make it to the other side of the lake, but it was obvious that it is also under water. I'm not trapped, but there are people unable to get out of their homes.
I'll let you know how long it takes to clear up.

Drugs and stupid people go hand in hand

In June, police in Spokane, Wash., arrested Calvin Robinson, 19, who had set up inside the lockable family restroom at a mall because he needed an electrical outlet to run the color printer he had just bought for $100 (in real money) in order to make counterfeit $10 bills. Police recovered a sheet of uncut, poorly made copies, which Robinson said he had intended to use to buy "90 dollars" worth of marijuana. [Spokesman-Review (Spokane), 6-6-08]

All of my law school friends are gone. I just realized this today. And they all have jobs. Well, maybe not all of them. I am being really selective in my job search because I am too old to get stuck in a crappy job. And I am very good at making excuses. But really, I don't want to take the first job that comes along just because it is offered to me. I am thinking of an ex-friend who is working in insurance defense law or slip and fall law--not sure which. Either way, it is the "afterbirth of law" according to one poster on a law site I frequent.

As a result of my stress, I ate a bunch of pizza and am now on my third beer. Self destruction lite.

A recent case of a drunk woman being beaten to death at Lil Kim's birthday party really had me thinking. Women are vulnerable and need to stick with their friends. I have done a lot of stupid things and I consider myself lucky to be alive. Most recently, my sister and I visited my "Frasier apartment" and both of us made a bad decision. We followed some dude into an elevator who offered to show us around. I had a bad feeling and after talking to sis, she also had a creepy feeling, and yet both of us ignored this feeling and went with him into a small space with no escape route. Dumb. I had my pepper spray, and sis has some muscle power, but still, very dumb. I think we ignored our creep detector because there was another person there--I said to myself, well, if Essie is going along, it must not be so bad, and I would guess she was feeling the same. Gavin De Becker is hanging his head in shame at the both of us.

It didn't help matters that the guy kept talking about how thick the walls were--and how you couldn't hear your neighbors--subtext: no one will hear your screams, and how you rarely passed anyone in the halls--subtext: no witnesses. When he walked away, it gave me the opportunity to ask sis whether she was creeped out by this guy, and upon her response: a little, we boogied it out of there. So, no Frasier apartment for me.

The other apartment we looked at had a nature trail to hell. Actually the trail was to a park, but the leasing agent told us they had a guy wander up to the complex from the trail which totally creeped me out, and the more I think about it, the less I want to rent from them.

In sum: no job, no apartment.
I applied for 7 jobs today, and I expect a certain career book to arrive tomorrow which will give me tips for my career search. I have 2 backup plans, and I am trying to decide when I want to move out of this town for good. It needs to be soon because my neighbors are making me insane. The constant booming of their music grates on my nerves so bad that beginning around 5 pm, I am on edge just waiting for them to start their impromptu discotheque. I hate them.

I just realized the guy from TMZ is the same guy who interviews people on the street on People's Court. That makes me feel weird--I think it makes me feel weird because he is short. Or because he is a trained attorney trying to make it in Hollywood, or because he thought up TMZ and is now a very wealthy man. I am assuming he is the brains behind TMZ. I want to be him.

Something else on tv makes me feel weird, and that is the Target commercial that features two young ladies doing a dance off as they move into their dorm room. I love that commercial because the song is so upbeat and the white girl is so lanky. I could watch her dance all day. She's so lanky and obviously white that you think she can't dance, but then she busts out her moves, and even then, you think--is she executing that move correctly? She is, but there is something a little strange about it. She is a dancing illusion/mirage.

I've been trying to write a cover letter all day. I now have carpel tunnel and no letter. Why can't I just write: dude, give me a job. I promise I'm cool.
All this trying to word stuff is exhausting. Add in the fact that my dogs are all about sitting next to or on top of me, and you are getting one cranky rp.

I just realized this week that the dude from group that I promised to write an entry about reminds me of Chandler on Friends. And I recently saw his current gal-pal, and she is totally a younger, ruder version of Janice--what with the over the top clothes and spackled on makeup. Although young Janice had her boobs hanging out, and I don't envision tv Janice doing that. And young Janice didn't even look at me (or anyone else) when introduced, and tv Janice wasn't a rude character. Word on the street is young Janice smelled like pot, so maybe her bad manners were doobie-induced. Whatever the origin of her manners, she did not impress me.

Just this week I told Esther that Morgan Freeman was a national treasure, and now I read on Yahoo news he has been injured in a car accident. I am flipping out. I love that man.

The bar was what it was. I was going to write a long entry about it, but I can't be bothered to do so when our national treasure is in "serious condition". Atlanta was fun, though. Did I need a comma after fun? I love my sister and wish we lived closer, and assuming I find a job, we will live closer soon. The problem is, I don't really want most of the jobs I am qualified for--they are so freaking boring. I may have to settle for a paycheck for a while.

I'm convinced the world is conspiring against my success on the bar. The past few days have been really hard. First Lily got sick, then I got sick so we were both sick at the same time, and I am still ill. I spent all of last night puking as I did the night before. I feel much better during the day, but today was horrible. I was totally wiped out. I decided not to go to bed early tonight in the hopes I would fall asleep faster and thus avoid throwing up, but I have a feeling that in about an hour, I will be doing the nightly vomit. I'm pretty sure it's an ulcer. I stopped taking Advil today which sucks because all the forceful vomiting has given me a terrible headache. There is no Tylenol in my house, and I did not feel well enough to drive across the street to CVS.

Some good news: I put a note on the neighbor's door who loves techno music full blast to please turn the volume and bass down when he/they play their music, and for today anyway, the music was turned lower. I could still hear it, but there was a noticeable difference.

Just 4 more days now. If you are the praying type--won't you pray for me, please? Pray for my stomach and my brain.

You hoo, it's me, Batman

Alternative title: Batman and Bar Exams

I had a great night last night thanks to 3 lovely ladies. Part of that evening was watching the new Batman movie. Here is my spoiler free review:

Batman has a distracting speech impediment. I told this to Esther, and she imagined a lispy crusader--thus the title of this post. The movie is super long and super stressful--I peeled all of my nail polish off to relieve some of the anxiety I experienced during the film. I also hid behind my hands and chewed my straw. You might not be as neurotic as me, but just in case, paint your nails before you go. As with any movie, there are predictable moments and some really poorly acted moments--my girl Maggie had one really bad moment when she delivered the line, "You make your own luck". She was "acting" and it showed if you know what I mean. Heath was a great villain, much better than Jack Nicholson. I really wanted Batman to kill him. And I hated the ending as it did not relieve any of my anxiety. I give the film an A-.

Bar review sucks. I'm pretty sure Vicar of Dibley is on in one minute, so I'll end here.

Bonus review: Noble makes a killer Tangerine Cranberry juice. Go buy it. And then drink it. And then thank me.

Today I tried this product:
http://www.neutrogena.com/ProductsDetails_329.asp

Neutrogena sunblock with helioplex in 70. I thought it was for the face, but after looking at their website, I see they make another product specifically for the face.
Here's my review: It was super thick and made my face shiny. I will not use it again on my face. It was ok on my hands and arms. Only ok because it was hard to distribute due to its thickness. The advantage of this thickness is that my arms feel like I put a nice lotion on instead of just sunblock. It also reacted with the products already on my face and made my eyes burn.

What I have been using on my face: Paula's Choice skin care line. She is the author of the book "Don't Go to the Beauty Counter Without Me" or something like that--I'm too lazy to google it. She sells her own skin care line online. I have been using Walgreen's version of Cetaphil to wash, and Paula's Choice toner for normal to oily skin, Paula's 8% AHA to exfoliate along with Clearasil facial scrub when I shower which has salicylic acid in it, Paula's moisturizer which is called something weird and has an interesting gel texture, and this has been my regimen for the past 3 or 4 days. I have already noticed a difference. I think it is the AHA. I used to have a lot of milia on my jaw line, but I have seen a decrease. I don't know if this is because this new regimen prevents them from forming, or if the exfoliation releases what is trapped--I just know I have seen a decrease. I don't feel like there has been a change in my eye wrinkles, and I don't think there is a product that can reduce wrinkles. I think products can only prevent/delay new wrinkles or plump the skin to reduce their appearance.
I would recommend checking out her skin care line, but avoid her makeup. I tried a sample of the liquid makeup and it looked chalky and made my skin look dry. The sample I lipstick I tried was fine but I already have the exact same color by Clinique and the Clinique lipstick goes on glossier, which I like. Her website also gives her reviews on a ton of products, so you can see her opinion on whatever you are already using. If you do choose to order stuff, look online for coupons to get free shipping, and her stuff arrived to me 2 days after ordering. My internet connection sucks today, so you will have to look her site up yourself if you are interested.

My next post I will review the 2 new juices I tried yesterday. Pretty exciting stuff.

All of my favorite blogs of late are review type blogs--mostly makeup as it is my new obsession. So, I am going to give my review of various crap in my computer-aged homage to the blogs I love.

I just got back from seeing the movie "Wanted", and I actually loved it. I don't really like most movies--I generally just think of a movie as 2 hours of entertainment rather than something I like or dislike. There are the rare movies that I will actually form a lasting opinion on, and Wanted is one of those movies. I am not sure how much I would have loved it if it didn't star the most beautiful woman in the world, Angelina Jolie. She was a badass in the film and the lead guy had some really great badass moments as well. That's my review.

I was wondering what it must feel like to be the most beautiful woman in the world--and when did Angelina realize she is the holder of that title. She's gotta know, right? It is almost unreal how attractive she is. Kind of like how attractive I am, but I am the most beautiful woman in the universe. When I die, Angelina can take over my title.

I got a new phone that I am in love with--the blackberry curve--or the crackberry as the cool kids call it. I am not a tech head normally, but this phone is too amazing not to geek out over. I can download movies to it, take pictures with it, access the internet, and make phone calls with it. I love it and I got it on super-sale otherwise I would not have purchased it.

Sort of related--I cannot figure out how to get the pictures off of my old phone. I never could figure it out when I used it, so I just didn't use the camera on it. I lost the power cord, so I went to purchase a new one, but they didn't have any and I had already researched the curve..etc. The problem with the pictures is that I have a picture of a nude man on it and I wanted to give the phone away. I have a weird battery operated charger that has different adaptors, so I can charge up the phone and delete the pictures if I ever figure it out. I forgot I had this picture on the phone because it is kind of hard to access the saved pictures, so I never looked at them. It was frightening to find. I remember when I took it, he got mad and demanded I delete it. I lied and said I did and told him he could look on the phone for himself--all the while knowing it was nearly impossible to access the pictures. Since he couldn't find it, I now have his nude image on my phone and due to my recent veiwing, that image is scarred into my memory. I don't want to talk too much about this, but let me just say: love really is blind. Gross.

I've been obssessed with makeup lately. Anything to avoid studying. I purchased some "dupes" and new nail polish. I have been on the hunt for the nailpolish worn by Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club since I first saw the movie.



I think I have found its dupe. I have two colors-one is darker than the other-and I would show you pictures of my painted nails, but my camera is out of batteries. I will say the color on my nails is more reminiscint of the color of paint in the episode of Three's Company where Jack repaints exterior of the apartment complex and the gang thinks Chrissie is a klepto. The paint dumps over Mr. Roper while Jack is climbing the ladder.

Favorite show on my fingers and favorite movie on my toes.

I'm back in town and I have a lot to say, but it is all boring. So check out this girl's livejournal because she recreated a classic painting in her eye makeup. It is amazing. No one was this cool at my high school, but then I went to school during the hey day of grunge, so the no makeup look was big. I might be lying to myself.

http://fondasaurusrex.livejournal.com/

Sometimes my computer becomes convinced I live in Canada. It doesn't happen every day, but today is a Canada day. Google and Yahoo both are the Canadian version. I play along because I figure there is some mystical power at work (probably a computer virus), but between you and me, it's annoying.

I wish some of you watched Lost so we could talk about the season finale that aired last night. I ended up looking for some online discussion last night, but the 2 sites that I like to visit that are Lost related crashed. Seems I wasn't the only one who needed to discuss their favorite show with strangers.

Harvey Korman died yesterday, and when I read the news on Yahoo!Canada this morning, I let out a passionate, "Oh, no". I had a bit of a crush on him. Reading the brief article, it sounds like he was the very definition of "a fighter". I wonder if he has an autobiography-or if there is a bio in the works?

And the last thing I want to share with you is the progress in Lily's aggressive behavior. I tried to find some techniques from Cesar Milan aka the Dog Whisperer. He doesn't give great advice---he says to be a gentle, calm leader. What the hell does that mean? (It means he has services for sale and if he gives away all of his insight, he will have no buyers.) So I tried the few things I did find in the way of instructions on his blog and in the short clips available online. I made a nearly fatal mistake yesterday by grabbing the food bowl away from Lily because she was growling--Lily bit me, and luckily for me it did not break the skin. There were two teeth marks left--the pointy (incisor?) teeth, and one of them was directly over a major vein on my hand. I could have died, people. It really hurt my hand--I can still feel it today-although there are no marks left. Veins are important.

I will keep trying to rehabilitate Lily.

Oh, and studying for the bar is slow work for me because I cannot get into the studying groove. And I think I will stay here until August even though my lease ends in June. So I am off to the leasing office to extend my lease for a few months. I hope all of my fellow students with jobs lined up are grateful. I have gotten several messages back from the federal positions (paralegal) that I applied for, and I didn't score high enough. What!?! They must rank experience higher than education which I understand but also find ridiculous. I was thinking yesterday how some of my past colleagues had tons of teaching experience but were truly awful teachers, yet they would get hired over someone with no experience--who could potentially be the next movie subject a la all of those movies about teachers who teach at shit holes and inspire their students to stop their wayward ways and become scholars. Whatever. I guess I will have to apply for firm jobs after all. I'm leaning towards family law--the pay is less, but the cases are more compelling (read: interesting). I did pretty well in my Securities Regulation class, but when I think about doing that type of work for 10 hours a day, my bones get angry. Family law--high drama. I'm used to high drama. I can get behind a crazy client bent on revenge against his/her cheating spouse. I feel them. A corporation that wants to issue new stocks and needs to advertise within the law? Boring!

Your neighbor from the great white north, eh!
rp

I need a million dollars, please

http://bestfriendsagain.com/auction/index.html

Disobeying the leash law is a gateway crime..

What is with people around here? Rules do not apply to them, and it is driving me nuts. Last week this girl's dog was off leash and "attacked" me and my dogs. I gave the owner a talking to. I should have gathered the dog up and held it for animal control--next time...
The same girl today parked in a non-parking zone--and there were 2 other legitimate parking spots available.

This is the kind of behavior that makes me see red. Follow the rules!!
Sociopaths. I'll bet the Manson family did not leash their dogs and also parked in non-parking zones.

Is there a new movie-star definition of the term baritone? I ask because Scarlett Johan-a whatever and her people keep calling her singing voice a baritone. I have made it known how much I hate her speaking voice, and I question her acting ability--she always comes across to me as one tone: spaced out. And there is no emotion in her voice. I think you know where I'm headed. Scarlett Johan-a whatever is a robot. I'm a little obsessed with her new album and the one video I have seen--for Falling Down. Normally obsession follows enjoyment or an appreciation for the subject. Not here. I know intuitively that I do not like her music--how could I? She sings with no emotion and I have made loud proclamations about hating her speaking voice. And yet, I am not willing to say outright that I dislike her music. I think she has tricked me by using songs from an artist that I do like. I am not really familiar with the songs she released as I am not a card-carrying member of the Tom Waits fan club. I have one of his crazier albums that makes it difficult to sing along to, but I do like him. I like the idea of Tom Waits--I like him as an actor as seen in Short Cuts and Coffee and Cigarettes. So I think what is happening with her album is she is using her trickery or robot witchcraft to fool me into thinking I like her singing, when in reality I really just like the songs. Scarlett Johan-a whatever is a witch. A witch robot.

The other day I stayed up until 4 am looking at really horrible pictures of autopsies and crime scenes from some of the most famous crimes/criminals. I saw JFK's autopsy photos and pictures from the Tate murder. I looked them up after seeing a short paragraph that one of the female members of the Manson family is dying from a brain tumor/cancer. After looking it up, I found the woman dying was a horrible person--she said she stabbed Ms. Tate because she was tired of hearing her ask for help. And she and a few other of the girls laughed at trial and made a joke out of the whole thing. I'm sure you know the details, or where to find them should you want to know them, so I'll stop there. What I found was a website dedicated to this woman's release, maintained by her husband and another supporter.

Here's where things get interesting. She married this guy while in prison--he is a Harvard grad. I verified this fact on the California Bar website because after reading the website, I was convinced he graduated from some online law school. The website had several spelling errors, and the word effect was used instead of the correct affect. I found a picture of him elsewhere on the web, and he has hair down to his butt. The website contains several pictures of her throughout the years, and I got really pissed at the pictures. It looks like she is wearing makeup and attending dances and other fun functions. I am a firm supporter of the death penalty. She originally was sentenced to death--which made her laugh--but CA did away with the death penalty shortly thereafter, and her sentence was reduced to life in prison. Thus my anger at her having great times in prison.

The plea for her release made me pissed off as well. According to the website, she is the greatest gal in all the land because she is now a Christian and behaves herself in prison, therefore she should be released. They (she and her Harvard educated husband) claim she is a political prisoner. I never did well in criminal law, so I cannot speak with any authority on this, but they (she and her supporters) claim that you cannot keep a person in prison if they would not do any harm to the public-when they are up for parole. Again, I don't know the rules, but I think this is bullshit.

I do remember from the first day of crim law a big discussion on the many theories of the purpose of prison which I am sure you can imagine--corrective, punitive, etc. So, if her supporters think the purpose of jail is to correct behavior, then if the behavior is corrected, then she should be released. However, prison is not really set up to correct behavior. Prisoners don't sit around talking about their feelings with therapists all day. Prison is basically punitive. She was sentenced to death, so how can her supporters really believe she should be released? She is supposed to be dead by now.

This is probably boring, so I will stop discussing it. I will say that I am glad she is dying. I know that is not particularly open-minded of me, but I am really glad her life is ending. I saw what she and her friends did to those people, and she deserves to die.

Side note: I used to support the death penalty for child molesters, but someone made the excellent point that the death penalty will not deter molesters, but instead, create an incentive to kill their victims. But, if one of the victims' parents murdered the molester after discovering their crime, I don't think the parent should be punished.

To take all the crime out of my brain, I spent the next day and night reading my new favorite blog:
http://www.makeupandbeautyblog.com/

I almost went to U of Miami Law School

This clip is amazing.

Here's looking at you, Kevin Bacon: the guy who was arrested today for the Florida forest fires was squatting in the home of a man I assisted at my externship last semester. At least I think he was. Probably shouldn't state it as fact.

I am super obsessed with a ton of things lately--none of which are applying for jobs. I've been looking, just not applying. Someone asked me recently if I regretted going to law school--not sure yet, but I am not looking forward to the loan repayments. I am definitely fantasizing about other paths not taken, and that road not taken always looks far more romantic, prosperous, wonderful than where I am right now. But I am alive and I have the best dogs in the world, so I am content. And I have a six pack of Strongbow which should be chilled by now, so I will soon be temporarily happy--albeit a happiness induced by rotting apples. But you know, happiness is usually experienced as a temporary event, so I am not going to judge myself to harshly.

Did you guys know J.D. Salinger was good friends with Learned Hand?

I had a fantastic weekend with my family and I will probably say more later about that, but just now, I got back my grade in Corporate Finance, and I am pissed. I got an 81, but I really feel like it should have been higher. I think I will schedule an appointment with the professor. I realize I did not stay on top of things throughout the semester, and that I will not take another test with this guy--so why bother, but I put a lot of effort into studying for this stupid exam, and I expected a higher score. I'm telling you all right now that if I don't score a high B on my other test--the one I did not study for--I will be really super-pissed because that exam was ridiculous.

I have my final law school exam tomorrow, and I have not studied for it. Totally unprepared, and I can't seem to care about it. It's profiled, so I shouldn't fail. And Saturday I graduate whether I fail that class or not.

There are a couple of commercials getting a lot of air time that feature a couple of blasts from the past, and I feel it is my duty to hip you to their existence.

1. The car insurance commercials with the super-perky girl that looks like she should be covered in ink because she has that trendy-goth like look about her. The company is the one that gives you quotes for their competitors--I cannot remember their name, but you have seen this commercial. The particular commercial I am talking about has a female customer saying she is looking for a new company and trendy-goth girl says: look how much we saved this customer, and the female customer says--that's a new pair of shoes and goth girl says: or a tricked out name tag. The blast from the past is the female customer. Some of you may remember the last season of Saved by the Bell (season 5) featured a tough chick in leather named Tori. This is the girl in the commercial. I will look for pictures. I just did some looking, and the company is Progressive, and the chick from SBTB is an identical triplet, so it may be one of her sisters. Leanna Creel is the actress from Saved by the Bell. Interesting story about her character--the producers decided they wanted to double the number of episodes for that season and this decision was made after the actors had signed their contracts. The actors who play Jessie and Kelly refused to sign a new contract to appear in the extra episodes, so the producers invented the new character and the episodes were mixed in with the ones that featured Jessie and Kelly--the 3 characters never appeared in an episode together. As if one tough chick could ever take the place of Jessie and Kelly.

2. There is another car insurance commercial connected with AARP where a hot female police officer pulls a dude over and asks for his AARP (because officers often ask for this in addition to your license and registration), and when the dude asks if there is problem, the officer says yes--you don't have insurance through AARP etc. The dude they pulled over was a character actor on Three's Company. His biggest role was when he played Moose, a guy who went to high school with Jack and married a girl named Robin that Jack had a crush on. Robin calls Jack after she moves to LA and says she needs to see him--Jack doesn't know she is married and thinks he's about to get lucky. Janet says good luck on your date with Robin, and Mr. Furley overhears him, so Jack says he is going bird watching for robins. Mr. Furley decides to join him, Jack talks him out of it by playing the gay card--alone in the woods, but after Jack leaves, Mr. Furley decides to go anyway. Robin actually wanted to see Jack because her husband Moose is super jealous. More hilarity and misunderstandings ensue which are quickly resolved--roll credits.

Gary Coleman and his wife will be on Divorce Court this Thursday and Friday. Don't miss it--she says he spends too much time with his train sets. Faithful fans will recall his character on Diff'rent Strokes loved train sets as well. I like to pretend that show was real, and Arnold grew up to be a freak.

Vomit inducing website:
http://www.drnatura.com/picture_gallery.html

I hate studying. I hate corporate finance, and in a couple of days, I shall hate securities regulation.

My dad offered to come pick up my dogs and take care of them until I move after I told him about my neighbor's threats to me. I thought it was sweet of him to offer, but I would be way too scared without them in the house---not to mention bored and lonely without them. They are my best pals.

I've decided I have fibromyalgia.

Rednecks on meth in Apt. 125

Let it be known that the rednecks in apartment 125 threatened me and my dogs on this 20th day of April, 2008.

I hate rednecks.

I don't know what it is about this town and this particular apartment complex, but the dwellers here seem to think they own the land in front of their apartment. I have heard several people make comments about "their" yard. And people let their dogs run around off leash as if they were in their own yard. Bizarre to me. This whole "get off mah land" mentality is ridiculous--they are renting an apartment not a house, not even a condo--an apartment with people living above or below them. Why on earth do they think they have a yard? That is the glory of apartments--no yard!

Man I hate these people. I am so looking forward to moving and meeting all new rednecks that will threaten my life.

I just finished my last law school class ever. I am thrilled.

Please tell me someone else watched Mariah on American Idol last night. She sang this ridiculous song about saying goodbye to people who have died and she had a fan blowing on her the entire time. This song is an obvious ploy to cash in on the trend of people being ridiculous about people dying. What I mean by that is, people are dedicating their autos to their deceased loved ones, they wear shirts with the face and birth/death dates of loved ones, they basically make a shrine to their deceased loved ones wherever and however they can, so a shrine song just makes good economic sense to someone like Mariah. And I think I am the only one in the world who doesn't think she has some superhuman voice of god singing voice. I remember being a kid and being super impressed with people who could sing either super high or hold a note a really long time. I guess the rest of the world is stuck on the idea that the ability to produce high/long notes makes one a great singer. I don't think she is a bad singer by any means, but I don't roll around on the floor in ecstasy when I hear her voice. Actually, it's a little breathy (unsupported) if you ask me. I'd rather listen to my sweet angelic voice than hers any day.

Also, I hate Obama. What's his deal? Every day there's some new scandal about him--first it was the racist preacher, then the story about the campaign contributions by --gasp--lobbyists. And today, he's being linked to a terrorist. But the most offensive story I've heard about him is the story that turned my neutral, border-line antipathy into hatred: he called Americans a bad name. Well, not all Americans, just blue-collar workers. I come from a long line of poor people--we are so poor, we aspired to be blue collar (I'm not kidding, I remember being a kid watching a news program reference blue collar workers and then show a "blue collar" neighborhood and wishing I lived there instead of the tin shed/lean-to/trailer I actually lived in). Hell, we were so poor, we should have been called no-collar. So when Obama called blue collar workers "bitter" people who cling to religion and guns, I went into a blind rage. Even writing this days later, I am getting pissed.

Hey everybody, I'm Obama. I'm going to make a change in world leadership. I'm Ivy League educated and a US Senator, but don't worry, I'm just like you because I'm black. I'm everyman. Well, you are not black, you are not everyman, in fact, you are like every other politician--a big fat liar. You surround yourself with racist people and make elitist statements. You make me barf. Just further proof that I hate the type of people that work in "big law". At least with Hillary, you know what you are getting. I think I'm team Hillary. Gross.

I'm off to eat a celebratory egg roll.

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I hate my job. I keep making stupid mistakes. Actually they are bizarre mistakes and I am so frustrated right now. I just got an email from the mean lady pointing out one of my bizarre mistakes. I think the problem is this job is a boring data entry job for the most part that doesn't require intellect, it requires attention to detail. I guess I am not a detail kind of person--who knew? I would like to hear nice things about myself because right now I am totally frustrated and will be very pissed off if I get fired from this stupid menial job for making mistakes. So, you should write me and boost my morale because goodness knows, they aren't going to do it. I suspect I will get yelled at, fired or both tomorrow. It's no wonder I have had insomnia all week--and I am freaking out about finals because I am too tired to study. So I don't get any work done, I get stressed and I make stupid mistakes at work which land me in hot water which stresses me out further and on and on. I hate this job. I think I should quit, but it ends May 2, and besides, they may fire me anyway.

I got my scores back for the shady lawyer exam. I needed a 75. I got 120. Therefore, I am not shady and should be allowed to sit for the bar. Too bad it doesn't work that way.

I found a lawfirm I will never work at: Quinn Emanuel. They are the lawfirm that represents the Academy of Motion Pictures. And if you visit their website, you will see nearly every attorney is Ivy League--and order of the coif (top 10 or 5%). And the very best part is the photos: they are all black and white--obviously done by the same person-no submitting your own photo here--and very dramatic. I can just imagine the egos on these people.

Have you seen the commercial for the vacum cleaner that is a round robot that cleans by itself> The one where the lady says her children are pigs--and they literally are pigs--and her husband is a donkey (we must assume jackass, but she never says the word-I don't think she actually calls her kids pigs either). I HATE this commercial. If the roles were reversed, and a man were playing the role, what would happen if he portrayed his wife as a dog (i.e. bitch)? I think I know--outrage. I'm imagining the parody of Oprah as seen on SNL where the women go nuts and rip the arms off of other women and basically turn into animals. But because it is a man, I guess we are all supposed to laugh. I think it is horrible. And what's with calling your kids names like "pig"? My parents called me a pig all of the time, and it hurt my feelings. Should there be commercials that make it seem like a white-bread -300 thousand dollar home- you should do this too- good idea? Because the truth is, a large portion of people idolize and emulate what they see on tv, and shouldn't advertisers be a little more responsible? What if the woman playing the role was a minority? Would there be outrage then? If I weren't so lazy/stressed out/busy with life, I would "write a letter". I put that in quotations because my mom always says she is on the verge of a one man letter writing campaign, but I don't think she even owns an envelope.

I have no idea where I am going after graduation and if one more person asks me, I am apt to lose my tact.

Things are not looking so good for me bar-wise. I don't think I will be allowed to sit for the July bar due to credit issues. I spent about 4 minutes freaking out with my mom on the phone and another few minutes with my dad. I think I had a minor freak out with Essie, but I know I freaked out on her for just trying to be helpful on a different issue. That's the great thing about my family--they are used to my freak outs and don't get all bent out of shape about them-at least not permanently. So I went for a walk and regrouped. Here is my new attack plan: apply for government jobs that do not require bar admission, apply for paralegal positions, and as a last resort, move back in with the folks and work at a steel mill. (The steel mill was dad's suggestion.) And get my finances in the order the bar wants them in and try again in February.

People in this town do not believe in putting their dogs on leashes and it makes me nuts. I encountered 3 unleashed dogs on my 30 minute walk. If I were a dog napper, I would make a great living in this town with very little effort.

Sorry Rachel, but only losers post to Craigslist missed connections. You will never, NEVER find a quality human being with any amount of self respect posting on there. Every time I look on there--which is not that often, just when I want to laugh at the less fortunate, I ask myself, what kind of person would actually post here? I think the best descriptor would be: desperate. Look at the post below--you have a woman desperate for her beloved coat. There was a post from a dead-beat mom to her 2 kids that were taken away from her. Again, desperation. And as for the men and women who post in hopes of finding romance--good lord, how pathetic and desperate must they be! I guarantee they all look like the missing link or have some hideous disfigurement. Seriously, money back guarantee. Attractive people, semi-attractive people, and anyone with an ounce of self-worth would not have to stoop to what really amounts to begging a stranger for attention. Losers. The end.
P.S. I met your mom on Craigslist.

Craigslist is funny

Have You Seen This Jacket?

---

Reply to: pers-602253301@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-03-10, 11:03PM EDT


Dear You,

Yeah, you. You stupid, silly, drunk girl who decided it was a great idea to steal my amazing jacket. Your days are numbered.

The only thing I love more than that jacket are my friends. And THEY would love nothing more than to avenge me. Sure, it was just sitting there all alone on a barstool. So were numerous handbags and OTHER jackets you could have nabbed. Didn't you notice it was a semi-private party? I could name everyone there except you and your stupid girlfriend. So can everyone else that attended. They will get you while I stay inside shivering BECAUSE YOU HAVE MY FUCKING COAT.

That jacket and me go way back. It's been my springtime evening jacket for the past five years. Do you even know what that means? It means I only wear it out for special occasions. In the SPRING. I swear to God, if I see you in it on a November day I will punch you in the face for not realizing the rules that come with wearing a jacket like this. And then I will take back my baby.

I'm flattered that you obviously liked my jacket so much. I mean, I know, it's a great piece. On ME.

• Location: SpacePort/Waterworks
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 602253301

I never told you this before, but I invented wikipedia.

My class tonight was cancelled at the last minute, and I cheered like I won the lottery. Seriously--I danced around my apartment home and experienced tears of joy.

Have you caught the story of Debbie Shank and the evil Wal-Mart? Such a sad story. This Wal-Mart employee was injured in a car accident which has left her disabled--severe TBI, her husband is recovering from prostate cancer and a few weeks ago, their 18 year old son was killed in the war (or whatever the government is calling it). Job never had it so hard. And the kicker is, Wal-Mart has successfully sued the Shanks for the medical costs it paid out. There was a clause in the health care contract that wal-mart can seek repayment of medical expenses if there is a lawsuit/settlement. The Shanks did have a settlement from the trucking company that hit their car, but the money is quickly running out as Ms. Shank is in assisted living in a private room. I have a lot of personal feelings about why this is wrong--big company doesn't need the money etc.. but I also think that clause is just not logical. If you win a settlement, the numbers are based on something---loss of future earnings, cost of health care etc. so why would a company seek repayment just because there was a settlement? A settlement does not mean there will be tons of money--outrageous settlements are not the norm.

Wal-Mart won their case and won the appeal. The story mentioned the Shanks were appealing to the Supreme Court. I don't know much about insurance law, but it seems strange to be able to contract out of paying benefits just because someone won a settlement. Again, I go back to my reasons above--and I keep getting confused as to whether or not you are allowed to sue for medical expenses you didn't actually have to pay. So if I went to the doctor and the bill was 100, but I only paid a 20 c0-pay, can I sue for 100, or must I sue for 20? I think I am only allowed to sue for 20. If this is the case, and employers are allowed to recoup for medical expenses, perhaps plaintiffs should be allowed to sue for actual medical costs and not the out of pocket amount. If anyone knows the answer to this, tell me because I will forget to look it up.

I fought the urge to go buy tons of Easter candy at half off today. Sugar is bad. I finally watched Super Size Me yesterday, and I am trying to eat better. Not because of that, but because I am trying to eat better. I also finally watched Madama Butterfly--as performed by the NY Opera. There is one decent aria-and you all know it, but I did enjoy the story. The first opera I ever saw was also by Puccini-it was Tosca, and I hated it. Not a big opera fan.

It sucks always being sleepy because I never get things done. I have been telling myself that if I were a famous actress, I would be busy day and night, so I should stop complaining and get my work done. It doesn't work because if I were a famous actress, I would be getting paid with a capital P. It's kind of hard to get my butt in gear for no money. I wish I were eating candy right now.

I followed a link a friend sent me about dog fur being used for sweaters and it lead me to youtube video of poor little raccoon dogs being skinned alive for their fur. I watched about 15 seconds of it and had to turn it off. So if you know someone who enjoys fur--make them stop because that video was the most awful thing I have ever seen. Even worse than the video a few weeks back that was everywhere in the media of the cows being abused. Poor little animals.

I will not share the link because it will make you cry.

This week has sucked on so many levels.

Good news: I found a new website that makes me want to spend every dollar I have ever earned purchasing their fine goods.

http://www.lochers.com/

How have I never stumbled upon this site before? I want everything they have for sale. Cute and sassy.

I am super dissatisfied with my life right now. I've got to make some changes. And I am so glad I will soon be leaving this town, but I feel like I am not living a full life because I am waiting for some uncertain moving day. I am certain I am moving, I just don't know when, and does it make sense to do nothing/stagnate just because I plan on moving in a few months?

I keep looking at areas of my life and thinking I should be doing a better job of managing my life. I am extremely critical of myself--and it becomes difficult to change things I don't like because I have hurt my own feelings beating myself up over things.

So I will just have to either be nicer to myself or be a better self-motivator because some things just HAVE to change. Like all the junk food I eat and how that makes me look and then how that makes me feel.

I do feel pretty good about not dating someone right now--I feel positive that I would date beneath me as I have in the past because I don't feel good about my physical appearance. Some people want to pressure me into dating, but I got to tell you, it would be a disaster right now--for the reason I just stated as well as my impending departure. Messy.

How many people do you think get into Ivy League schools that don't really deserve it? I want to go to an Ivy League school, but I think my undergrad grades and current law school grades would keep me out. I wonder if I could just leave that bit out and apply anyway?

Crap. I think I am in trouble at work. I just got an email: see me first thing in the morning about the chart.
I was chastised this morning for something that wasn't my fault--I explained it to them so they would know I did my job correctly, but....I am always worried I am about to get fired.
I have a feeling I made some stupid mistake because I was pissed about them keeping me late without asking, and then really cranky because they didn't feed me, and anxious to leave b/c I had not yet let my dogs out. So all of those things together probably resulted in a mistake.

I just hope they don't fire me.

I know I shouldn't be complaining about my job one week in, but they kind of irritated me today. They scheduled me for a meeting 11:30-2:30. Normally, I would leave at 1, but this is spring break. They did not ask me if I was willing and able to work later than 1 today--I guess they just assumed. Either that or they forgot. That annoys me. And then, I got back from the meeting, and they had already ordered and eaten lunch, but they did not ask me if I wanted lunch. So I finished what I had to do and left. They didn't ask me if I wanted lunch Friday either, and it's not like I can complain about free lunch. But I find it to be indicative of how much they value me.

The Stephen Merritt gum commercial freaks me out. I was taking a dump today and a lady walked in on me. I lost my car in a parking garage today that had a mere 5 levels.

Today, while eating my sandwich from a restaurant, I bit into and subsequently ate half of a toothpick.

I voted over 200 times for Danny Noriega on American Idol tonight.

One Sentence from Bai Ling's Real Life Blog (New Feature!!)

I like the fantacy world or the world we don't realy see every day when your eyes are wide open, but when you close the beautiful window of your eyes, then you really opend the vision of your true world alone, like a secret river of moving lights and image......with the sound of the delightful spring birds. our eyes only designed to see what we see now, but the real world is so much more magical, maybe you think you are ware blue today, but you are actrully ware red, this is how different the real world could be, and it is a gift if we could let our wings open and our eyes rest till the state you are not aware of if you are seeing the world with your eyes or seeing it with the gift of you whole open universe......

Because Everyone Hates David Blane

TV Shows are Stupid

The other night I stayed up until 6 a.m. watching season 2 of The L Word. This is a highly watchable show, but not that great of a show. Kind of like Grey's Anatomy or E.R. or American Idol. The season finale was set at a woman's (probably womyn's) concert featuring Betty and Heart. One of the characters--named Jenny--was in the front row rocking out to Heart singing their classic womyn's anthem (sarcasm) "Crazy on You" and somewhere during the chorus and the second verse, Miss Jenny appears to experience a cathartic transcendent moment--either that or painful gas. Her face drains of all joy and she seems to really get what the Heart sisters are putting out in the universe when they sing those dramatic lines:
Crazy
Yeah, crazy on ya
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, oh
Crazy on ya
Crazy on you
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, yeah
and the next scene features Miss Jenny riding on a bus crying and holding a young girl that we recognize from earlier episodes as being the manifestation of her girlhood self. And finally we see Jenny cutting her legs to ribbons with a razor blade--cuz Heart will fuck you up.

Now, I love putting on my American flag bikini, drinking wine out of the box while rocking out to Heart full blast as much as the next girl, but never in all my years of rocking out to Heart in my American flag string bikini drunk off my ass from boxed wine did I ever:
a. become depressed/morose/thoughtful after listening to Heart
b. delude myself into thinking the lyrics were anything other than the drug induced ramblings of the trashier Heart sister on mushrooms
c. ever stop rocking out to the sweet, sweet tunes of Heart.

Heart 4-evah, baby!

Yet another Gary Coleman update: he is still a virgin despite being married for several months. In an interview (on the ever classy The Insider) he said he didn't want to rush things because when you rush, you make mistakes. Umm...you are already married so you won't make the mistake of choosing the "wrong" person. And there are only so many ways to do 'it', and your lady will probably let you know which orifice she prefers it in and you are going to be terrible for a little while any way, so you might as well just do it already. He is so fascinatingly weird.

Want to see something gross/weird?
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/photo/2008-01/23/content_6415939.htm

In honor of valentine's day, here's the last thing that was said to me by a male: at least you're a warm douchebag.
Any wonder I am single?
In context, the comment wasn't bad, but it is so much more amusing out of context.

I knew Gary Coleman was married. I did not know it is his wife that is the ebayer. Bummer--glad I did not buy the duck rings. Although, there is something really special about buying something from the WIFE of a has-been. It's like double the washed up talent or something.
http://www.eonline.com/news/article/index.jsp?uuid=1685a18d-c039-482b-aaf5-b97a831257fc

If I had tons of money, I would go to the Bonnaroo festival this year.

I'm thinking of quitting group. I am still fat so I think group is not helping me with that major issue, and I am even more reclusive than when I began group, so no help there. And now I don't even want to date anyone whereas before group I was totally into the idea of dating people. I think it has assisted me in other ways, but mostly I want out. I am also easily influenced by people I like, and there is a group member that I like that wants out, so this idea of leaving seems even better. Kind of like when you feel like blowing off class or exercise and then someone in your class or your exercise partner mentions having the same feelings, and then you feel like it is the best idea in the world even though before you heard the other person's opinion you were just kind of thinking about it. It's like that. And I sort of feel like just calling and leaving a voicemail saying hey, I quit because it would be so deliciously irresponsible.

I watched a tiny bit of the Grammys tonight. Herbie Hancock played Rhapsody in Blue with another musician, and I started thinking about my former life. I used to teach a section on 20th century music and I had another section about Gershwin . And I wondered if any of my previous students would realize they knew this song. But then I decided only white people watch the Grammys. Then I decided that couldn't be accurate, but the chance of a former student watching would actually be small and the chance of that student actually watching that segment was even smaller. So then I just embraced the idea that the 7 years I spent teaching music was a big fat waste of time for all involved. Except I am sure that I had a positive influence on some kids--I tended to love the unlovable and some kids were able to be successful in my class in contrast to their regular classroom where they were failures. And I am positive that I scarred at least one kid for life--I have nothing in mind, but it's inevitable. If you teach, you scar.

Rejection Letter from Monday's Interview

Thank you very much for coming in to talk to me about my law clerk position. As usual, we had a lot more applicants than openings, and because of the particular need I have at this time, I decided to hire third year students or students with previous clerking experience. I enjoyed meeting you and wish you the greatest success in your career.


As most of you know, I am a 3L and I have previous experience.
I need to learn how to impress someone who is not a good interviewer. As I mentioned before, he asked the same question several times, and in the end, I just gave up answering it. I hope whoever he hired sucks. I truly do.

Had another interview today. I'm not as convinced I blew it, but I just assume I did not get it becuase they talked about how they only have one position...blah blah. I give up. From now on, I will be a complete asshole in interviews. Bet I get hired on the spot.



I foolishly bid on something without looking at the shipping charges on eBay. 30 dollars shipping for a DVD collection. I am the high bidder. I really hope someone else outbids me.

I cut 3 inches off of my hair and darkened it. I don't like it.

I hate job interviews

I just got back from an interview where the guy talked forever. I am pretty positive I did not get that job--he asked me if there was anything else I wanted to tell him that was not on my application, and I said no--kiss of death. But really, he had already asked me that question, and I had already answered it. He started to write something on my application near the very end and then stopped. Pretty sure it was a no.

No, his moniker is not Arnold.
He has some ducky shower curtain rings for sale. I think I will purchase them and keep the box they came in as a memento.

Sometimes I get a bit obssessive...

I know Gary Coleman's ebay moniker. For real.

I'm getting a room with a key--just for me becuase I cannot tolerate these obnoxious library fungi. The latest offender is a woman older than me--I walked up to her, but then backed off becuase I don't think she is a student, and as we all know, the non-student/non-lawyers that come in here to do their own research are CREEPY.

The 2 kids in front of me thought it was hilarious that I was getting so mad about the noise. I hate 20 year olds sometimes. Let them try going back to school in 10 years and see how well they tolerate noise.

Still won't let me spell check.

I'm pretty sure I was meant to be brown or was brown in another life. I think women of color are so much more attractive than honkies like me. Ugly Brazilians do not exist.

Speaking of non sequiters, I saw Cloverfield and thought it was good, but the audience at my showing was annoying. The average age was 16--need I say more?

DId you know they only released the first season of Who's the Boss due to disappointing sales? Bullshit. I need to know if Angela and Tony get together--no, I need to see for my own eyes. I'm calling on all Alyssa Milano fans to demand the release of the other 7 seasons. Isn't it strange that shows like Charmed (which Alyssa was a part of) have these crazed, rabid fans but quality programs such as Who's the Boss or Small Wonder don't?

So there's this homoerotic hotdog commercial that is for a local hotdoggery here in the town I live which shall remained unnamed so as to protect me from my crazed, rabid fans. This commercial shows a cook showing off how large the hotdogs at this establishment are--and he does this by making an ok sign with a hotdog in the "O" part and then shaking his hand. It just seems so naturall when he does it--as if he had some practice in placing his hand around a tubular meat product and then shaking the meat product. And he has the biggest smile on his face.

Cut to customers in the restaurant (all men) talking with their mouths full. There are captions underneath so we the viewers can understand what these men with mouths full of meat are talking about. And the very last man has ??? as his captioning--because his mouth is so full of meat that no one can understand him.
I love this commercial.

I hate the people in this library--stop talking!!!!!!!!!
I cannot spell check.

Here's something that will be interesting maybe only to me, but perhaps to other fellow law students: ALR is now only on Westlaw. I like Westlaw just fine, but sometimes I like Lexis better. This is ok news because I don't use ALR that much when researching, but you would think Westlaw just brought you the second coming of Learned Hand the way they are carrying on. Look, I just made a lame law joke.

I complained and complained about the noise, and now I have a special private room reserved for me in the library. Kind of like how the blind kid has his own study carrel--now the whiny bitch who is easily distracted has her own room. Nice. I plan on using this privacy to create a book of lame law/law school jokes.

I fixed the link!

I am trembling with the deliciousness of this link Essie sent me:

http://allsaintsatlanta.org/files/documents/U2_Eucharist06.pdf

Click on it.

We all know that U2 is a very passionate band and that Bono has this awesome way of ...not sure how to describe it..kind of like yelling and singing at the same time. Check out the first song---remember how he delivers the lines: I'm wide awake--but it's all at the top of his lungs. Remember that? And then the next song: Please, please, get up off your knees. That first please with all the passion of the world. Can't you just see the entire church feeling that song and getting into it? And why are they singing a song about getting off of your knees? Doesn't the church want them to pray? Awesome--why oh why did she not discover this in time for us to attend?

Your eyes make a circle, indeed.

Scary movie

I want to go see this movie. Who will volunteer to go with me? I'll buy you popcorn if you go.

Via Rachel, I found an entry someone made about me on their myspace blog. I would like to share with you, and then we can discuss it further. Here 'tis:

"Friday, November 16, 2007

Sex and Fetishes While dining with two companions recently (one male hellraiser and one rather conservative female) I was chastised by the female for not relating any ammusing experiences. I fully realize that women expect guys (friends or lovers it does not matter) to constantly keep them entertained with a vast repertoire of witty and exciting stories with which to engage them. I am sorry but I do not keep a vast library of such knee-slappers handy at my disposal and ready to go. When crazy things happen to me I either forget about them and/or really don't think they are worthy of constantly relating. In fact I pretty much have little use for assholes who think they are the center of the universe and constantly have to take up air that others could use spinning trival episodes to make some chick laugh, all in the hope of obtaining some blow-job in the near future. I was also born with little or no sense of humor so there will be no laughter during an evening with me. Um....do you see a court jester hat on my head? Any little bells and shit? What makes you think I was put on this earth to entertain you? Fuck!!! Anyway after receiving a lecture for not being hysterical enough my fiery companion blurts out loudly in a crowded pizzaria "the craziest thing that has happened to me lately is that a girl asked me to pee in her mouth." Awesome. I thought I was pretty well-versed in the fetish dept. but that was a new one I must admit, but I never hold anyones choice of pleasure against them. However I have noticed a double-standard when it comes to fetish/fantasy realization. If a girl wants a guy to pee in her mouth, pee in her butt, spank her ass and call her mommie, shave our heads etc. etc. etc. we must instantly oblige. But, if a guy asks for anything at all regardless of how trivial- asking her wear a certain type of stockings, asking to watch her masterbate, asking to play Schoenberg during sex she will act like you belong in the side-show at the circus. Actually, you can tell a great deal about someone by what they are into and it should not be taken lightly. Every fetish is a mental puzzle of incredible complexity that could take half a lifetime to fully unpack. Most are related to the sexualization of deep-seated fears. What could be more exciting than to be able to control how and when a horrible thing will happen to you. What power! The Marquis de Sade has always been for me a thought provoking author, particularly his essays on the fine line between cruelty and sensitivity. Sade was also a huge influence on surrealist artistis and writers (and modern surrealist filmakers like my beloved David Lynch.) Lynch has a new film out called Inland Empire that I am greatly looking forward to. Laura Dern, Jeremy Irons, can't be bad."

I can pretty much predict what some of you will have to say about this--A.L. will say "Freak!" and some of you will talk about this person's obvious self-hatred and hatred/fear for the opposite sex. I agree. Here's what I want to talk about--why do people assume I am conservative? And what definition of conservative are they defining me by?

In high school, this ass-hat named Tizzy used to call me a bible-thumper. I have been an atheist since I was 9, and I never once quoted the bible to this girl or any other classmate. I think she was responding to my lack of sexual experience as she and her friends thought the best fun in the world was to advertise the fact that they had had sex and had experience with drugs and alcohol. And I think she was responding to the fact that I was very shy in high school--and I never bothered to correct her when she called me a bible-thumper, nor did I ever bother to talk to her period. I take that back, I once told her she had a nice house when our bus routes were combined one day--she responded by talking about how stupid society was for placing importance on material goods and the man and her stupid father--you know, classic poor little rich girl with no problems creating angst because she is too pampered to have real problems. Who I really was at that time was a very poor girl with a shitty shed for a home and a girl who was not allowed to have friends--much less boyfriends or bad influences to talk me into the usual teenage collection of bad decisions: booze, drugs, and sexual experimentation. But to her, I was some conservative religious nut to be mocked. I let her have her fun as it didn't bother me what she thought of me (for the most part) because I thought she was an annoying selfish idiot--she gave herself a nickname for crying out loud. I saw her a few years after graduation--with a baby. She should have come to church with me and learned to close her legs--or at least be smart enough to use birth control.

Anywho, brings me back to today. I am sick of so called liberals trying to put labels on everyone, and I am tired of these so called liberals who get angry and dismiss any idea that differs from theirs. This is not being liberal. The last guy I dated called himself a liberal. No, he was not--he was so angry and tightly wound that if you differed from him, you deserved to die. He really wished death upon people--Christians in particular. We got into a huge fight because I wanted to listen to Rush Limbaugh on the radio--not because I agree with his viewpoint, but because I find it absolutely fascinating that people think like him. And because it is very important to know what the so called other side thinks and what they are saying. And the last guy I dated just assumed all southerners were idiots and conservative and every other bad thing in the world. And you don't want to know what he thought about poor people--not that he would ever say poor people.... but he didn't have to. This is why I try to avoid people who call themselves "liberal", because they rarely are. Or maybe I am getting liberal and open-minded confused.

I have no idea why the guy called me a conservative. I also have no idea why he thought it was socially appropriate to sit in silence when he invited me to dinner and left the conversation up to me and his brother, but I guess that goes along with me expecting normal give and take in a social setting. You know, I say something and then you say something back.

All of this to say: how do you define conservative? And would you define me as conservative?

I am so excited: Denmark has listed attorneys as one of the professions they are in need of!!
I really, really, really want to live in Denmark.
http://www.nyidanmark.dk/en-us/coming_to_dk/work/job_card.htm

This jackass just said deplore instead of implore. That makes me giddy. And makes me feel superior. Stupid man.

Dogs love to pee.
I have tried for 3 days to get the pee smell out of my carpet, but it is still there assaulting my nostrils.

The night before last, I changed my sheets before going to bed (at 2am) and Sophie jumps on the bed and proceeds to pee on the newly made bed.

Sophie loves to pee.

I have done nothing of value all weekend, and I am starting to get bored. I blame poverty. Sometimes I wish I had a roommate, but I am impossible to live with. Ask my sister--she won't let me move back in with her ever again. And she likes me. Something about being a messy slob who lets her dogs pee everywhere. Just to clarify: I am a messy slob, but I hope to be able to afford a maid at some point, and I do not "let" my dogs pee everywhere--Sophie is just a pee machine. She is house trained, but she is also a four legged beast with her own agenda. And that agenda includes peeing everywhere--and rolling in poop, but that's another drama for another day.