I've decided to live-blog America's Got Talent for you this evening. I turned it on and Hasselhoff made some terrible tea party joke, so I went to my room to read, but my migraine became more intense. So, it's back to the tv.

While I was in the kitchen getting a glass of water, I heard a contestant singing. I have already forgotten his name--his last name was hyphenated. I guess he was a teacher before the competition and he left teaching to be on this show. From the kitchen, he sounded bad. So bad that I said out loud: this guy sucks. The judges aren't impressed and the contestant sasses back. I hate sass back. Note to talent show competitions such as this show and American Idol: sassing back does not make people want to vote for you-you need to be likeable to get America's vote. I would say talented too, but in spite of this show's name, I don't think it is about talent.
I vote no.

Magician with little people. I think he is using the little people to distract from his lack of talent. He does a crappy trick, and what's more, it is just one trick. It's so bad I can't even write about it. There is a lot of booing from the audience. The judges hated him.
I vote hell no.


Next up: a man in drag singing "opera". Shequida. He says he's from Jamaica, but he's talking with a weird accent. I call it the lipstick accent. Oh my lord, he is so bad. He is singing I Will Survive in this horrible high voice--the same voice I am sure all of you used when you were a kid pretending to be a woman singing "opera". A judge x'd him (three x's and you are out). Amazingly bad, but not so bad it's good. Just bad. He is hot as a woman, though. If she were in a beauty pageant--Ms. Drag Queen--which I believe exists, she would have my vote. But this was not singing. Sharon Osborne is a fag hag. Contestant is saying she wanted to show her range--ha! Her range is screeching. The Hoff called her campy.
I vote no to the singing, but yes for the beauty and the amazing legs. Shequida is sexy.

This is going to take forever. They show one contestant and then a commercial, so... I think I will split this up in to separate posts.