THIS BLOG IS MOVING.
I am also changing things up a bit.
I'll send you the link. Jusk ask.

GA Bar results were released today:
http://www.gabaradmissions.org/

Spell check insists it is "plead". I disagree.

I got an email response to last night's blog about the phone call. It seems it was just a random wrong number after all. I guess I could have just called the number back and found that out, but I was pretty convinced I knew who it was. That and I was in the middle of moving. Happy ending. The end.

Next court story: 2 women were facing the court for public drunkenness and for fighting. They both appeared in jeans (from the early 90s--acid wash, meow!) and a nasty t-shirt. They both also wore their thin blonde hair in a long dirty ponytail. I want you to really imagine the hair--long, stringy, and greasy. Why was their hair so long, why? Did they think it was sexy, or are they religious nuts? Can't be the religion thing, they weren't wearing long denim skirts and keds--and they were drunk. I found out later that these 2 are a couple. One of them pled guilty to being drunk and the other gal said she wasn't drunk and pled not-guilty. My new republican boyfriend (the judge) found her guilty, and they have been raising hell at city hall ever since. I went to the swearing in of the new assistant police chief last night, and the dynamic dirty dyke duo were there to raise some hell about the one chick being found guilty. Ladies, you appeal to the court not to the police chief, the city clerk, and the court employees. They still haven't filed an appeal. The judge was there last night. We shook hands. It was hot. I know all the gossip on him--he broke up with his long-term girlfriend (some Asian chick with a kid) last week (the same day we met) and he has serious commitment issues. He ran for state senate as a republican a few years ago--he lost, obviously. He also used to date a pregnant, married attorney that I met, but she dumped him after he couldn't commit. Let me be clear--she is pregnant now, by her husband. She was not preggers while with the judge--well, maybe she was, but if she was, it was not for long. She appears in his court and has to call him your honor. I love that. I will only date attorneys in the hopes that one day I will be a judge and former romantic partners will be forced to call me "your honor". Awesome.

Remember: do not give hints of my new residence. Hell-hole counts as a hint, Rachel.
I have been looking for jobs in our new awesome destination. I have to start thinking about applying for the bar in awesome state, too.

So the other day I got a strange voicemail of a woman screaming something unintelligible. I thought at first it was my sister Renee because she often leaves me weird messages where she is half yelling half singing. I didn't recognize the number, and it was not someone programmed in my phone, so I deleted the message right after listening to it. I assumed it was a wrong number, but I thought I would look up the number because it was a weird area code. It came out of Champaign, Ill. I'm pretty positive it was an ex-boyfriend which totally pisses me off for a variety of reasons which I will list for you all.
1. Timing of the phone call was lousy. It came during the week I was moving out of town, and I was at dinner with a special friend, so it interrupted my fun times. I am stressed out right now and I don't have the time or patience for tom-foolery. Even if someone I actually liked pranked me, I would be irritated.
2. It was a female voice which means this guy is dating someone who is so immature that she thinks it would be hilarious to prank someone from her guy's past.
3. Alternatively, he put her up to calling me which means he is the immature one.
4. No explanation or apology followed which means he thinks it's fine to waste my time and precious cell phone minutes--WHICH I HAVE TO PAY FOR---but I am not worthy of an apology for his girlfriend's/his stupidity.

Because of this lame call, I have been hesitant to blog here. Knowing him, he probably gave his girlfriend this blog. I feel like I have no privacy. Gross.
So, no one mention where I am living now so I can feel like a normal person again.

Speaking of where I am living, I went to court last week. I have a tiny crush on the judge and the people in this town are redneck-ridiculous. I was watching Reno 911 the other day, and I thought to myself, who in the hell wears their hair in the style of Junior? And no kidding, there was a dude in court with Junior's hairstyle. He was being brought up on harassment charges for calling his ex-wife. She was a delicious bit of redneck trash herself. She was wearing pants 4 sizes too small which caused a bubble of fat which she covered in a tiny t-shirt 2 sizes too small. She had 2-toned permed hair and a vacant expression. But all she wanted was for her ex to stop calling her. There are more stories to tell about court, but Lily wants to be my baby right now, so I will just have to get back with you.

Part 3

6 step crew: group of a million boys dancing together. Their sob story? One of the judges does not like them. Pass the hanky. Ok, it is actually sickstep. Some are dressed in basketball gear. They dance with props, to James Brown's Get Up Off Your Thing or whatever it's called. Basically, they are street dancers. This is clearly a routine and not freestyle. I love street dancing. I approve. Brit guy likes them--he was the judge who didn't like them, so everyone feels great. Sharon tells them they lit up the stage, and Hoff tries to sound street by telling them they were sick.
My vote: yes.

Jerry Springer just said, "Hip hop's my life." (In a most crunk voice, I might add.) I don't doubt that hip hop is Springer's life, I really don't.

Anyone else looking forward to the new show Kath & Kim? I love Molly Shannon--she belongs on my tv set. I'd love to see the original.

Next up, actor Matthew Piatze. I made up the spelling of his last name. His back story--he found direction in his life doing impressions. Now that is truly sad. I hate impressionists, so I am sure he will suck. His impressions: Arnold (sounds like your best friend's impression) Jack Nicholson (sucked, I knew it was Jack because he put on sunglasses and started shaking his head, otherwise I would have thought he was doing an impression of his Uncle Paul a la Vicar of Dibley) Vince Vaughn (ok) Clooney (weird). Then he sings Balls of Fire--I guess he's singing in his voice and also in impressions. He seems to be having an argument with himself and his characters. I don't understand what he is trying to do. British guy says the crowd went dead when he went to the piano. Sharon says he needs to work on his writing--I agree, it didn't make sense. Hoff gives his drunken approval.
My vote: hell no. He didn't really stand a chance with me, but his impressions sucked.

Next: Joseph Hall, an Elvis impersonator. What the hell? He says he is really a shy person. I should point out he is very groomed--boys who way their eyebrows are not shy. If my mom is watching, I am sure she is throwing a fit. He sounds nothing like Elvis. Karaoke anyone? Song: Jail House Rock with the background scene from the movie--jail cells stacked upon each other like Hollywood Squares. Brit guy is not impressed. Sharon has the hots for this dude, and wants him to bring back his bad boy. Giggle time: Hoff told him he also had trouble learning to dance and sing at the same time. Hoff is such a rock star.
My vote: no. No to all impressionists.

Recap of the show. I missed a gaggle of girls kicking their legs. They are even worse in the recaps. This show is just not good.

Let's get to voting. And don't forget to watch tomorrow.

Part 2 of America's Got Talent

While I'm waiting for the commercial break to end, I just want to say I have a lot to say about Palin.

Back on.

You do know Jerry Springer hosts this, right? And the judges are the Hoff, Ms. Osborne, and some other British dude.

We get the back story on the next group--a family act from New Haven, CT. No surprise they are white. There are a million of them and they are singing and playing strings to a backing track--oops, out of key. Just figured out what they are singing: Umbrella. Interesting, but I wanted to see more string playing. British dude loved them. Sharon loved them--and she pointed out Dad was on bongos, so maybe there wasn't a backing track. Hoff liked them.
My vote: put them through, but please work on singing in tune and creating tighter harmonies.

Commercial: Here's what I have to say about Palin. Bad choice. I told my mom she was a small town girl who obtained a position of power, and then abused that position. That's the risk of power hungry females--or any person who has never had power before, they often over-compensate and end up showing their ass. Everyone now knows she is under investigation, but I say she also abused her power by allowing her husband to sit in on meetings. If he wants to sit in on meetings, he should have run for office. From what I read, the meetings were not meetings that were held open to the public, and he was cc'd on internal memos. That has to be a no-no.

Back on. College student with a sob story. Baton twirling male. Are you crying now? I should remind you that the prize is 1M and a Vegas show. Who wants to sit through an hour long baton show. He's up, fire twirling to Billie Joel: I'm Still Standing. A little bump, now he has the Hoff singing along Cool trick twirling around his neck that lasted 10 seconds too long. The crowd loves him. I think he would be great fun at a sporting event, but I would never go see his show. Brit dude called it amazing--says this guy could win it all. Sharon loved him. Hoff said this show could sustain in Vegas, but then again, Hoff is a drunk and an hour in drunk-land is like 5 minutes in sober-town. Oh, crap. Springer said he was standing in the presence of greatness. Does Springer ever think for himself? Did he really think it was great? Jerry really makes me think.
My vote: no to voting him on to the next round because I would never go see a baton show, but yes to hiring him for the next college bowl.

Next contestant: Sarah Lenore. Sob story--hard working family, devoted father. I can't be the only one in tears. Barf. She's adorable. Dramatic walk down the stage steps with a simple accompaniment. Ok, now she's yelling at me. Whoa, turn down the backing vocals, sound engineer, I can barely hear her. She's one of those dramatic country singers that are all the rage now--you know: blonde, leggy, and loud. She dropped her ear phone and said she was nervous--I like her for that. Oh, snap--Sharon told her she was shouting. Hoff is clearly in love with her. Keep it in your pants, dude.
My vote: sure. She has a great stage presence and is a talented, if untrained, singer. With a little work, she could be a star.

I need an orange sherbet break--good for headaches.

I've decided to live-blog America's Got Talent for you this evening. I turned it on and Hasselhoff made some terrible tea party joke, so I went to my room to read, but my migraine became more intense. So, it's back to the tv.

While I was in the kitchen getting a glass of water, I heard a contestant singing. I have already forgotten his name--his last name was hyphenated. I guess he was a teacher before the competition and he left teaching to be on this show. From the kitchen, he sounded bad. So bad that I said out loud: this guy sucks. The judges aren't impressed and the contestant sasses back. I hate sass back. Note to talent show competitions such as this show and American Idol: sassing back does not make people want to vote for you-you need to be likeable to get America's vote. I would say talented too, but in spite of this show's name, I don't think it is about talent.
I vote no.

Magician with little people. I think he is using the little people to distract from his lack of talent. He does a crappy trick, and what's more, it is just one trick. It's so bad I can't even write about it. There is a lot of booing from the audience. The judges hated him.
I vote hell no.


Next up: a man in drag singing "opera". Shequida. He says he's from Jamaica, but he's talking with a weird accent. I call it the lipstick accent. Oh my lord, he is so bad. He is singing I Will Survive in this horrible high voice--the same voice I am sure all of you used when you were a kid pretending to be a woman singing "opera". A judge x'd him (three x's and you are out). Amazingly bad, but not so bad it's good. Just bad. He is hot as a woman, though. If she were in a beauty pageant--Ms. Drag Queen--which I believe exists, she would have my vote. But this was not singing. Sharon Osborne is a fag hag. Contestant is saying she wanted to show her range--ha! Her range is screeching. The Hoff called her campy.
I vote no to the singing, but yes for the beauty and the amazing legs. Shequida is sexy.

This is going to take forever. They show one contestant and then a commercial, so... I think I will split this up in to separate posts.