If I had tons of money, I would go to the Bonnaroo festival this year.

I'm thinking of quitting group. I am still fat so I think group is not helping me with that major issue, and I am even more reclusive than when I began group, so no help there. And now I don't even want to date anyone whereas before group I was totally into the idea of dating people. I think it has assisted me in other ways, but mostly I want out. I am also easily influenced by people I like, and there is a group member that I like that wants out, so this idea of leaving seems even better. Kind of like when you feel like blowing off class or exercise and then someone in your class or your exercise partner mentions having the same feelings, and then you feel like it is the best idea in the world even though before you heard the other person's opinion you were just kind of thinking about it. It's like that. And I sort of feel like just calling and leaving a voicemail saying hey, I quit because it would be so deliciously irresponsible.

I watched a tiny bit of the Grammys tonight. Herbie Hancock played Rhapsody in Blue with another musician, and I started thinking about my former life. I used to teach a section on 20th century music and I had another section about Gershwin . And I wondered if any of my previous students would realize they knew this song. But then I decided only white people watch the Grammys. Then I decided that couldn't be accurate, but the chance of a former student watching would actually be small and the chance of that student actually watching that segment was even smaller. So then I just embraced the idea that the 7 years I spent teaching music was a big fat waste of time for all involved. Except I am sure that I had a positive influence on some kids--I tended to love the unlovable and some kids were able to be successful in my class in contrast to their regular classroom where they were failures. And I am positive that I scarred at least one kid for life--I have nothing in mind, but it's inevitable. If you teach, you scar.