Via Rachel, I found an entry someone made about me on their myspace blog. I would like to share with you, and then we can discuss it further. Here 'tis:

"Friday, November 16, 2007

Sex and Fetishes While dining with two companions recently (one male hellraiser and one rather conservative female) I was chastised by the female for not relating any ammusing experiences. I fully realize that women expect guys (friends or lovers it does not matter) to constantly keep them entertained with a vast repertoire of witty and exciting stories with which to engage them. I am sorry but I do not keep a vast library of such knee-slappers handy at my disposal and ready to go. When crazy things happen to me I either forget about them and/or really don't think they are worthy of constantly relating. In fact I pretty much have little use for assholes who think they are the center of the universe and constantly have to take up air that others could use spinning trival episodes to make some chick laugh, all in the hope of obtaining some blow-job in the near future. I was also born with little or no sense of humor so there will be no laughter during an evening with me. Um....do you see a court jester hat on my head? Any little bells and shit? What makes you think I was put on this earth to entertain you? Fuck!!! Anyway after receiving a lecture for not being hysterical enough my fiery companion blurts out loudly in a crowded pizzaria "the craziest thing that has happened to me lately is that a girl asked me to pee in her mouth." Awesome. I thought I was pretty well-versed in the fetish dept. but that was a new one I must admit, but I never hold anyones choice of pleasure against them. However I have noticed a double-standard when it comes to fetish/fantasy realization. If a girl wants a guy to pee in her mouth, pee in her butt, spank her ass and call her mommie, shave our heads etc. etc. etc. we must instantly oblige. But, if a guy asks for anything at all regardless of how trivial- asking her wear a certain type of stockings, asking to watch her masterbate, asking to play Schoenberg during sex she will act like you belong in the side-show at the circus. Actually, you can tell a great deal about someone by what they are into and it should not be taken lightly. Every fetish is a mental puzzle of incredible complexity that could take half a lifetime to fully unpack. Most are related to the sexualization of deep-seated fears. What could be more exciting than to be able to control how and when a horrible thing will happen to you. What power! The Marquis de Sade has always been for me a thought provoking author, particularly his essays on the fine line between cruelty and sensitivity. Sade was also a huge influence on surrealist artistis and writers (and modern surrealist filmakers like my beloved David Lynch.) Lynch has a new film out called Inland Empire that I am greatly looking forward to. Laura Dern, Jeremy Irons, can't be bad."

I can pretty much predict what some of you will have to say about this--A.L. will say "Freak!" and some of you will talk about this person's obvious self-hatred and hatred/fear for the opposite sex. I agree. Here's what I want to talk about--why do people assume I am conservative? And what definition of conservative are they defining me by?

In high school, this ass-hat named Tizzy used to call me a bible-thumper. I have been an atheist since I was 9, and I never once quoted the bible to this girl or any other classmate. I think she was responding to my lack of sexual experience as she and her friends thought the best fun in the world was to advertise the fact that they had had sex and had experience with drugs and alcohol. And I think she was responding to the fact that I was very shy in high school--and I never bothered to correct her when she called me a bible-thumper, nor did I ever bother to talk to her period. I take that back, I once told her she had a nice house when our bus routes were combined one day--she responded by talking about how stupid society was for placing importance on material goods and the man and her stupid father--you know, classic poor little rich girl with no problems creating angst because she is too pampered to have real problems. Who I really was at that time was a very poor girl with a shitty shed for a home and a girl who was not allowed to have friends--much less boyfriends or bad influences to talk me into the usual teenage collection of bad decisions: booze, drugs, and sexual experimentation. But to her, I was some conservative religious nut to be mocked. I let her have her fun as it didn't bother me what she thought of me (for the most part) because I thought she was an annoying selfish idiot--she gave herself a nickname for crying out loud. I saw her a few years after graduation--with a baby. She should have come to church with me and learned to close her legs--or at least be smart enough to use birth control.

Anywho, brings me back to today. I am sick of so called liberals trying to put labels on everyone, and I am tired of these so called liberals who get angry and dismiss any idea that differs from theirs. This is not being liberal. The last guy I dated called himself a liberal. No, he was not--he was so angry and tightly wound that if you differed from him, you deserved to die. He really wished death upon people--Christians in particular. We got into a huge fight because I wanted to listen to Rush Limbaugh on the radio--not because I agree with his viewpoint, but because I find it absolutely fascinating that people think like him. And because it is very important to know what the so called other side thinks and what they are saying. And the last guy I dated just assumed all southerners were idiots and conservative and every other bad thing in the world. And you don't want to know what he thought about poor people--not that he would ever say poor people.... but he didn't have to. This is why I try to avoid people who call themselves "liberal", because they rarely are. Or maybe I am getting liberal and open-minded confused.

I have no idea why the guy called me a conservative. I also have no idea why he thought it was socially appropriate to sit in silence when he invited me to dinner and left the conversation up to me and his brother, but I guess that goes along with me expecting normal give and take in a social setting. You know, I say something and then you say something back.

All of this to say: how do you define conservative? And would you define me as conservative?